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HARRY'S HARANGUES

- Training ground harangue
- On the Polish defender signed on a free transfer from Nuremburg after Saints are relegated: "Tomasz Hajto, he passes to his team-mates, which is something we are trying to introduce this season."
- On desperately trying to sign players for Saints during the January transfer window: "I'm on the phone all day trying to get players in. If I don't get that disease they say mobiles give you, nobody will."
- On Samassi Abou's mystery ailment: "The lad went home to the Ivory Coast and got a bit of food poisoning. He must have eaten a dodgy missionary or something."
- On Samassi Abou: "He don't speak the English too good."
- On the ignoble art of simulation: "Abou retaliated but the fellow went down as if he was dead, and then started rolling around."
- On Paolo Di Canio's one-fingered gesture to rival Aston Villa fans: "From a still picture how does anybody know what Di Canio was doing? He might have been signalling to a team-mate about a tactic from a corner. He might have been gesturing a tactical change. He could have been showing that the score was 1-0."
- On his playing career: "Even when we had Moore, Hurst and Peters, West Ham's average finish was about 17th. Which just shows how crap the other eight of us were."
- On new signings: "With the foreigners it's more difficult. Most of them don't even bother with the golf, they don't want to go racing. They don't even drink."
- On his relationship as Portsmouth director of football with the club's then-manager: "I shall not be interfering with Graham Rix."
- On a spurned chance against Chelsea: "Joe Cole missed an open goal that my f*cking missus could have scored."
- On West Ham's UEFA Cup chances: "Where are we in relation to Europe? Not too far from Dover?"
- On a striker he subsequently signed who went on to score just two goals for West Ham: "I look at Arsenal's bench and they have Davor Suker sitting there. The man's a legend and would score goals by the bucketload whoever he played for."
- On a training-ground scrap between Alvin Martin and Matthew Rush: "I've seen better fights at a wedding."
- On tactics: "I sorted out the team formation last night lying in bed with the wife. When your husband's as ugly as me, you'd only want to talk football in bed."
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